Testimonials
"First of all, I would have to say, "Attend the very next Weekend of Recovery if there is anyway possible.” The weekend of recovery is well worth the expense and effort involved. Consider if you would the amount of pain and shame you deal with from day to day. Also consider how much time, if any, you have spent in therapy. I personally have spent years in therapy and I can tell you in all truthfulness that this one weekend help me in ways that therapy never did. Not only did I truly learn that I am not alone, I also learned that I am a worthwhile person. Because there was a whole group of men who placed value on me. If I were not worthwhile, they never would have done that. I also learned more about myself and am convinced that I am a loveable person."
"I want to thank all the facilitators for your courage, your spirit and your generosity which was reflected in every aspect of the weekend. I came here hesitant and hopeful, unsure of what to expect or even if I could trust anyone enough to allow myself to be helped. I have been deeply changed. For brief moments I have caught glimpses of what healthy is. I've seen it in the joyous, loose laughter around me, and I've felt it in the small, almost atomic scale vibrations of hope and faith awakening in my soul. Thank you for providing this opportunity."
"It was the safest retreat I've ever been to. I never felt, for even an instant, that anyone was at risk. The process was empowering and supportive. I connected with other guys powerfully. I'm still corresponding with most of them in a supportive and nurturing way. These people (MaleSurvivor) really care about us! Our boundaries were respected, defenses were respected, and the ability to take a time out to get grounded was respected and supported. I thoroughly recommend this retreat to anyone wanting a fuller, happier, healthier, more fulfilling life!"
"What an incredibly powerful, healing experience. I'm so grateful that I went, in spite of how uncertain I was that something like this would work for me. I got so much out of being with a group of amazing men really dealing with these hard issues, and caring about and supporting each other. The facilitators were amazing, caring, affirming, sincere. I never imagined that I'd be able to be so open and I got in touch with stuff I had never been able to get to in therapy. I left with a feeling of peace and joy, and have a real sense of excitement about the work I need to do next to deal with the many ways that my sexual abuse has impacted my life."
"Prior to this weekend, I thought the best I could hope for was learning to live with my pain and alienation. I now know that not only is recovery possible, it is something I will achieve. Thank you for making that possible."
"My weekend at Pema Osel Ling had a powerful impact by allowing me to deal with the pain and emotional scars of my abuse and is an essential part of my recovery. Today, I'm not afraid to say to my therapist and group in Seattle, that I'm a Survivor of Male Sexual Abuse. But most of all, I have the right to express my grief with tears and yet still be proud of myself as a man."
"The challenges you will face attending one of these weekend are not insubstantial, but the rewards you will reap from having the strength and the courage to open yourself up to this experience are immeasurable. I came in feeling nervous and scared, and left feeling stronger and more confident than I can ever remember feeling. I know it sounds like magic happens at these weekends, but in reality, it's not magic, it's a magical combination of hard working and courageous men, highly skilled and overwhelmingly supportive facilitators, and a natural setting that allows for peaceful contemplation of some very difficult emotions. I know now that I am not alone, I spent a weekend getting to know 28 other men who I could look at and recognize parts of myself in. It was humbling, it was uplifting, and it was overwhelming at times. If you are considering signing up, don't let your fears or skepticism turn you away. Give yourself the opportunity to at least experience the people and the power of all that healing in one concentrated weekend. It could change your life. Without question, this was one of the most important experiences of my life. I achieved every goal I set for myself, and still feel the positive effects of my experience. The facilitators were outstanding. MY small group was perfectly picked. And I am still in close contact with a number of my brothers from the weekend"
"This was one of the hardest decision I have ever made about attending. But it paid off big time in my life. I have never felt as whole as a man until I heard from other men who experienced what I did as a child. I no longer wondered if I was crazy or weird. I found hope." Hope Springs participant, October 2008
A letter to the Weekends of Recovery Chairperson:
Just a brief "Thank You" for such a wonderful, life changing weekend of recovery at Sequoia. The greatest growth in my life has always surfaced from the greatest pain. You are such a blessing to all the male survivors who dare to journey down that path. You and your team have created an environment of trust, safety and accountability that has forever changed me. I spoke with you and told you I didn't feel I could handle the journey because of my personal life. I challenged myself and I am so proud of myself for doing that. I had numerous breakthroughs and came home a changed MAN. I entered Sequoia with the heart that I didn't MATTER. I left knowing that I MATTER! I could go on and on with my gratitude, I think you get my point. The passion that you and your team share with the insider survivors is priceless!! I Matter!
Participant, Sequoia Weekend of Recovery, March 2008
This testimonial was received also from a Sequoia Participant, March 2008, on his arrival home:
Words truly fail me. I cannot thank you all enough. Please convey my gratitude, my sincere thanks to Mikele, Sandi, Ernesto, Bill, Lee,
Jim and Dale. I honestly did not know what to expect coming into the weekend. I was scared, I felt alone, I was skeptical. And now, sitting here at home on Monday afternoon, I feel like a whole different person. I feel alive. I feel strong. I feel hopeful. I feel loved. I feel worthwhile. I feel good enough for me. This was
truly a transformational weekend for me. The energy, the blessed life giving energy we created among ourselves was nothing short of miraculous and life-giving. I believe I had at least 6 separate and distinct breakthroughs this weekend. More than in many months of therapy. Tonight I will sit down with my wife and go through the weekend, go through what I learned, go through what I experienced, and most importantly go through my "bridge to home" worksheet. I have already had contact with my new brothers, and I and we will maintain that. Perhaps my greatest fear was maintaining and fostering this healing energy upon return home, but I now know that I can and I will.
During the weekend, I wrote:
On Friday: A dark corner of Hell
On Saturday:
No, I did not turn out okay.
I am a husband, not a son.
I am a son, not a husband.
And you were never a parent.
On Sunday:
My pilot light is rekindled. I am flying towards recovery on powerful wings.
This weekend has been THE most powerful, positive influence in my life. We all did the work, the facilitators, the participants. I
know that the facilitators have to re-integrate from this powerful experience into their lives as well, and I really wanted to communicate with you each and all how very, very wonderfully important this has been for me and how changed I am. My wife said to me when she saw me this morning:
"you look lighter. Lighter physically, and there is a light in your face, and there is light coming from inside you."
I began anxious and nervous and was weepy from the start. Probably because being there meant I was acknowledging that I needed help with this. I was not doing well going alone. I kind of saw that as a person failure and was very sad that my life needed something this drastic. After it finally started and I began to realize I was not alone in that feeling as well I felt better. As the weekend continued and the changes began to form in me I began to feel hope and peace for the first time. It was amazing and it happened with out my doing anything about it. It just developed inside me. At that last small group I was able to shed some pain and shame and I have not been able to do that in 50 years. I don’t even have the words for what I felt. Maybe joy for the first time. Acceptance and like I was not a freak or different anymore.
I have been back a few weeks and have calmed down a bit. Seen my T a few times now. According to him I seem to have gone from the 'Getting Over' stage to the 'Getting On' stage since coming home. That should tell you something.
To say that the Sequoia WoR was helpful to me is to say wings are helpful for birds. I have never felt so human, so real, so alive, and so free in all my life. I still have some darkness in the corners but you have taught me how to light candles.
...Participant, Sequoia WOR, March 2008
"I attended the Alta 2007 WoR...it changed my life...the past 4 months has been a rollercoaster, but only because I left there with the first real hope that my life would be different...I still have a ways to go, but at least I am now headed there, instead of being stuck, like I had been for years."
"I attended with great fear and anxiety and really enjoyed it. I think anyone considering a WOR but scared should tuck the fear away and go. It helped move my recovery forward leaps and bounds. There was so much (safe) love in the room/weekend that it was so healing for me."
"I attended the Alta 2007 weekend as well. I can usually only describe it as a "life altering experience" because the number of ways that it changed my life for the better is simply staggering. There are so many positive things that I took out of it. Establishing trust, shame busting, and forging friendships are among the biggest for me. If you have the opportunity to go, I highly doubt you'll regret it. The weekends are a truly amazing experience."
"I've attended 2 weekends of recovery - I, like many others, highly recommend them - there are many different aspects to the weekend (and no 2 weekends are exactly the same - many here have been to multiple weekends) - they do work in large group and small group settings - they use many different therapy methods (some even include art, music and body movement) - there is a team of over 10 facilitators there all weekend to keep things safe and focused - they even have a safe room that you can go to if things get to overwhelming or you just need to get away and talk 1 on 1 with a facilitator - the settings they hold their weekends at are just beautiful and very peaceful (I've been to Peebles, Ohio and Alta, Utah - both are simply beautiful settings for being able to open up emotionally and feel safe) - the food is always excellent - I could go on and on...
- it's just such a life changing experience..."
"For me, I got more out of 1 weekend of recovery than I got out of a year and a half of Therapy.
I remember how nervous I was about this going into my first recovery weekend - but... you know what? - the other guy in my room was just as scared as I was - I guess our mutually being scared just kind of melted the fear between us both very fast as we realized that we were both there for exactly the same reasons and both had the same fears - we both slept great that weekend.
The facilitator team there is very good at noticing those who are struggling in any way and will work with them 1 on 1 to help them through it."
"I was so nervous, I almost turned around twice, while driving to Ohio. When I decided to go to Peebles, all the fears came rushing at me. I had spent almost 8 months in my house. When I finally got to the center, I put on a great front. No one would see just how nervous I was. As the first group meeting started, it was clear that everyone there wanted all of us to feel safe. The staff allowed us to set our own rules, they asked "what will make you feel safe?" That was a big first step, we got to set the rules, based on our fears and worries. They write them down and post them for the whole weekend. From that point on, we started to try and open up. It wasn't easy, but I have to say, I loved it. Yes we had awkward moments, we had some free time and that forced me to socialize. The staff has done these WOR's 19 times, I promise you, they have dealt with all the possible problems that may come up.
By the end of the weekend, I had become so comfortable, I didn't want to leave. It truly was a life changing event in my life. I hope you will sign up for a WOR, you will not regret it. Do everything you can to get to one. It will not be the end of recovery for you, but it can be a major stepping stone."
"I was at the weekend in Peebles, OH, last year too. It was very positive and I was very scared on the drive over! The feeling of being in a room full of survivors who all looked so normal was amazing. I suppose I expected everyone to be like I fell/felt inside :-) I was worried about how I'd react to having an unknown roommate in an unknown place too. Someone suggested that I talk to him about it, so I did - and he told me he'd watch out for me! How wonderful to know there was an adult man there who knew what I'd experienced and knew how important it was to feel safe.
I think that was the best part of the weekend for me. Everyone understood, there was no need to hide from "it," and we all made safety a priority - watched out for each other and our selves. Pretty amazing!"
"I attended the weekend at Peebles in 07. I was very nervous. I found that it was well worth the temporary feelings I was having. What I found was that there is no where else that healing of what we went through as boys can be dealt with but by people who understand it and have gone through it too. The level of healing and help is beyond what anyone can explain. You set the rules to make it safe for you, speak up and say what you need. YOU'RE worth it. Go for it."
"I went in full of anxiety and fear of bringin up too much that I would leave more damaged than I come in. But, actually I learned more than I ever imagined about sexual abuse and the people who are survivors. I was amazed at the age ranges, sizes, shapes, and experiences that were at the meeting. Any idea that somehow “ I caused this to happen” was immediately impossible to concieve, because there were way too many variables and experiences with hundreds of separated situations. My shame was engulfed by 28 survivors who allowed me to experience myself without shame. Now, I can do it without them. I’m not the kind of person that emails everyday, but I feel the “kindess” of the group as part of my pschye now, and know without a doubt, I am not alone. Highly recommend to anyone, no matter what they’re situation."
Participant, Sequoia WOR, March 2008
"Attending the WoR was a HEALING EXPERIENCE FOR ME. I don't think I ever felt more at ease around other people/survivors/men/guys/gals/people in authority. I felt loved, I felt believed, I felt like a REAL PERSON. I am a good person! I just never believed these things about me. I have a purpose and it will be worth all the time and effort it takes on my part to find that purpose."
Sequoia WOR Participant, March, 2008
We hope these men's experiences may motivate you or someone you know to consider attending a future MS Weekends of Recovery. The Board of Directors of MaleSurvivor is deeply committed to the success of these weekends, and we hope you or a survivor you know will have the opportunity to participate.
