Hello everyone,

I am new to this group (of course) From reading all of your posts I feel that I have finally found a forum in which I can express some of my feelings without the fear of rejection or shame. I commend all who have come before me for the courage you have to share your stories. I have been reading for a while and I feel like I am finally at a point that I can write myself. I have read many books and tried to research the sexual identity confusion associated with being an SA. Ever since my abuse at age 10 I have been attracted to men. I have not undergone therapy but I do link my obsession with the male body to the abuse that I encountered as a child. I had an almost completely absent father and then a male relative abused me at age 10. I wanted so much to be loved by another male figure, not sexually, just to be loved, to have the male bonding that fathers and sons seemed to have. I thought that he WAS loving me but later I realized that he was only using me. I have felt terrible about myself since that awful time in my life. One thing that I keep getting frustrated at is when I am trying to work on my sexual identity confusion and then hearing GAY men say that I am just not accepting my true sexual identity. This is just as traumatic as someone maybe saying that the abuse was not abuse if I enjoyed it. (at some level I think many of us did) Am I making any sense? I know I am just talking off the cuff and writing as fast as I can. If someone can help me to find a better way to say this I would appreciate it. Also, I am wondering if anyone else has faced this particular issue. Glad to be here God bless you all