I finished my Therapy about two months ago and was going through one of my old journals. I found the following poem which I wrote and wanted to share it with you all.

I'm sorry it isn't very good,

I am a very placid guy. I never get angry, but oddly enough I am starting to get frustrated that I don't get angry. Still here goes.

I was in hospital, paralysed,
I was unable to move.
So why can't I hate him?

I needed his care but
did not ask to be abused.
So why can't I hate him?

I feel so ashamed, dirty & guilty
of the things he made me do.
So why can't I hate him?

He raped me, he abused me,
and threatened to kill me.
So why can't I hate him?

This happened so often it
was as if I wasn't there.
So why can't I hate him?

This Nurse he was evil,
he was able to control me.
So why can't I hate him?

The fear he holds over me
I know he could kill me.
So why can't I hate him?

I can't give him my thoughts,
he does not deserve them.
Do I need to hate him?

Thanks for reading my poem, I still wonder why or if I do need to hate him. Though for the most of the time it doesn't enter my head. My only thought is, that as I never feel hatred to people who hurt me, (like the girl who left me recently after making so many promises), I keep being hurt with broken promises and the like. Oh well.

Mark S