Thanks for the replies. I am learning to accept the realities of life these days. Instead of hating myself for my shortcomings, for staying in unhealthy situations, not trusting my senses, hating god for making this planet where there are people who prey on innocence...I am learning to say to myself...that's how deeply I was hurt by what happened to me. That's how much it hurt.

Accepting the damage done. And looking out of my window, hoping for true healing...

All the bows and pretty dresses
flowers scented, sweet caresses
ponytails and fancy dolls
rocking chairs and lullabyes

these the things of which girls are made

what then of all those little boys?
seems to me life's less of joys
taught to stifle what's inside
dreams and feelings must collide

and when they do the anger rises
oft remembered compromises
sent out to play a rougher game
tender feelings put to shame

"you're not a girl, so be a man"
resentment buried, kick the can
till all at once the payments due
cuz little boys have feelings too...