I have been reading the postings on the NOMSV discussion board and have been getting a lot of help from them. Until recent months, I didn't think the incest was such a big deal, because the other abuses were so ominous. But I am learning otherwise. Here is my story in the form of a poem. If it strikes a chord with you, I'd love to know. Thanks.
All those flavors, how shall we choose?
I was 6 and we lined up for ice cream
I'll taste the drop of banana that got loose
A good deed I've done! Tastes like a dream!
Was about to report how good was its taste
for my family to order, if they chose
Next thing I knew, his hand slapping my face
Felt the harsh sting, felt myself froze
I drew on the wall with chalk--it erases
Didn't know it was wrong at all
He lined us all up, our scared little faces
"Who did it?" he screamed in the hall
Scared and defenseless we all took our turns
to deny we had part in the deed
"I didn't do it" we said one by one
Just his eyes could cause me to bleed
"Rick!" he yelled with rage and with force
as he tightened his lips very thin
Off came his belt, I felt sudden remorse
Daddy please! no! I won't do it again!
Time to be bathed my younger sister and I
It was his job each night before bed
I'm circumcised, so I don't know why
He had to clean, rub, squeeze till it got red
While it happened I floated up in the air
Though my body was still in the bath
While his hand had hold, his scary eyes stare
If I don't move then I won't get his wrath
Feel myself tingle, don't know what it means
Nothing made sense at home
Get picked on in school,don't want to be seen
I only feel safe when alone
Am I a boy or am I a girl
The kids would tease me all day
What shall I do so your wrath won't unfurl?
Nothing--just take it--must be gay
All these years later feel lonely and sad
Though outside no one can tell
Need to be loved by me, to cry and get mad
To fully heal from that hell
Will you love me as well?