I just wanted to let everyone know that things are starting to get better for me. My doctor put me on Haldol and Celexa and these drugs have helped me to stay present.
I left my job and went on psychological disability (PTSD). I just registered to go back to school and get my B.S.E.E. After getting my degree, I'll be able to work in the electronics field and do what I've always wanted to do. The psychological disability won't last more than a year or two and I may convert it to an AIDS related disability. I feel that I deserve a break for a change.
The Celexa is really helping with the anxiety and keeping the triggers manageable. I still have bad dreams and periods where I question my self worth, but things are getting better.
I have been designing a multi-channel audio system over the past 12 years and finally saved up enough money to purchase a high quality audio amplifier. I'm keeping busy around the house building electronic gizmos and getting the audio system revamped for its new power amp.
Listening to music is like meditation for me. I like to really crank up the music (Sisters of Mercy, Faith No More, Echo and the Bunnymen, Killing Joke, etc.) and get transported in the 3-D acoustic space. I end up going into a really deep sleep--like being hypnotized and when I awake, I'm light and all put together.
I just wanted to share when there are good days, too.