To all you guys. Thank you for your honest comments. I generally call myself a Unitarian Universalist. I was raised as an aetheist, then lead to my first appreciations of Christianity through comparative religions, gaining an appreciation for the Chinese Tao, psychology, and various holistic disciplines, including self-hypnosis, shamanism, and therapy. For a while now I have often worshipped as a Christian, and appreciate the benefits of modern society and its grounding in American society, English history, Protestant Christianity, Western History, and Jesus Christ. Recently, my attention to Christ's teachings in Luke 8, his teaching about the word of God and good, rich soil, have helped guide me to emotional healing through Buddhism.
That said, I have found in my experience, too, that I need to get away from blame, and involve myself in as many empowering activities as I can. My ability to forgive improves with my strength of character, and connection to healthy, affirming activities.
Twelve Step groups, Zen meditation, self-help books, Christian Science, Episcopalian services, Tai Chi, Paralegal classes, Psychology videos, affirming movies like the Fisher King, music like Creed's Human Clay and Alanis Morrisette, rock concerts, and Sierra Club outings. I have also been sending faxes and letters for campaigns by advocacy groups for all kinds of progressive groups like Amnesty International, Greenpeace, and the ACLU and so on. I also read the papers for constructive events. Yes, they do report them on occasion. For instance, Bono of U2 has done great things with foreign aid issues. I read about Mark McGwire, the ballplayer, and found that he has been in therapy and contributed like a million dollars to sex abuse treatment. Tori Amos has a hotline number. Yes, I can't go back and indict strange abusers I was too young to know and defend against, and I can't change my parents for their roles. Throwing myself into affirming activities, though, is connecting me to a better life, and, in so doing, forgiveness.
Best wishes for continuing progress in these areas, through the difficult times, and your continued success. Actually, something else I discovered was the depth of issues in the prayer of Daniel 9:4, chronicles 17:16, 29:10, Phillipians 4:4, Matthew 9.