I just want to thank God for a place like this to vent our feelings. Although I never thought in a million years I would say this but, I want to let all of you know that God loves you and he wants the best for you.
Afer being sexually and physically abused (from age 3 to about 13 by my stepfather and others. I used to be so angry and filled with much hatred and dispair, I just wanted to die.
When people would talk about God I would go into a rage, I would say If there is really a God, how could he have let such horrible things happen to me? How could a loving god just watch all this madness go on in the world, and not do anything about it.
One day when I was at my wits end, I had just cursed out my mom, up one side and down the other for suggesting I look to God for some answers to my pain. After slamming the door in her face, I remember saying ok if you are really there God,I need to know, why did all these horrible things happen to me as an innocent child.
I opened a bible that was sitting on my dresser and just opened to this verse in the old testament:
Jeremiah chapter 29,verse 11-13 and it said "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thought of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope,and when you will call upon Me and go and pray to me , I will listen to you. And you will seek me and find me when you look for me with all your heart"
WOW!! I remember slamming the book shut and thinking woe!! maybe there is a God who cares. That was twelve years ago and I have never been the same since, although it hasn't been easy, I stated slowly reading>