though its much too late to still be up, i find myself lying awake, trying to find some little bits of honesty within myself. soul searching maybe. something keeps coming to mind. this is pretty embarassing to put into words, but i think it might help to get another perspeective on it. awhile back, my shrink and i were talking about relationships, etc. i have always 'dated' men older than myself. ive only really had one relationship. he was quite a lot older than me. my shrink made a comment about me 'dating men who are father figures'. which i totally dismissed at the time and actually resented the fact that shed said it. and id probably still like to kick her for putting the idea in my head. but i find myself thinking about it and wondering if its an issue that i should be focusing my attention on. id like to think attraction is natural and i shouldnt question it. i cant say i have any conscious alterior motives with the people i choose to date. yeah maybe there is some subconscious stupid psychobabble reason why i do the things i do, but is that something to worry about? for arguments sake, we will say i date older men because i want a father figure in my life. is that wrong? does that make a relationship any less healthy and real? i dont know. i already have so much angst when it comes to relationships, i might as well add some more lol. i am now always second guessing myself when i find someone attractive or interesting. i dont want to have to put some arbitrary age limit on my (non existent) love life.

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pUpPy