When I first read your post yesterday, the following quoted sentences really jumped out to me as applicable to me and any survivor struggling with recovery.
It would seem we've come so accustomed to questioning ourselves, conditioned to think we are at fault, that what we do is bad and we wind up questioning the motives of our desires; if we like it it must be wrong.
How true this is.
Now and again, I get weird thoughts that once in awhile tend to make sense. "It is difficult to put behind us a past that continuously, unconsciously confronts, conflicts and corrupts everything we do in the present.
Oh boy, this says it all for me about as succinctly as it can be phrased. It makes soooo much sense to me I can't stand it the truth of it. Am I the only one in an epic battle of internal conflict and strife?
I occasionally win a skirmish, but I keep getting pushed back to my cave where it's dark and not about living.How do you other men find the strength to continue the battles, the efforts toward healing?
"The past has never left me. The past is always present pulling me apart."
When I allow it to reign over me. This for me is true in that I was a victim once, but do have a choice now about what I do. My past will, I'm thinking, always be attempting to pull me down and apart. I don't suppose it ever dies, hopefully it'll fade away into unimportance.