Bear with me, I feel the need to be a bit pedantic.
Josh, NO 14 year old boy or girl can legally give consent to sex, under any circumstance whatever. The earliest it can be consenual sex in the USA is at 16 in SOME states. And even then, it truly must in fact be, consenual for BOTH people.
There is a reason the law was made like that. Being used, abused, betrayed and violated, being treated like a piece of meat to make someone else get his rocks off, does real awful things to a child. This old guy committed a very serious crime towards you. But the crime is not what bothers you today.
Josh, friend, I believe that the feelings you are having might well mean that you are begining to see how awful your life has been. It may very well mean that you are opening up a very important part of coming to see yourself as a man who will not be a piece of meat ever again. No love, no tnederness, no sex. You are getting stronger--but that is scarey. You will get a ton of encouragement from us. Just don't see this as something really awful. Your partner Dave may need to come here and read some of the papers we have on site. Or he can get a book. Dave seems important to helping you see yourself as a man of value and dignity, a man that will not be abused nor used anymore, because you are far more valuable than that, and now you are coming to actually believe that.
Peace to you friend.
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.