I don't really know why I keep writing on this board. I know I have said everything there is to say.I just can't believe what has happened to me over the last coupleof yrs. I can't believe I let people hurt me. I can't believe it.

I talked with my bishop yesterday at church because I took someones advice on this bb and went to someone who could run interference for me. I asked him to make this guy leave me alone. He said the guy wasn,t invited anymore and as hard as it was i even told him he threatened me.

I can't believe how sick I got just thinking about going to church yesterday. My lower legs started to hurt and give way. when I got there I was a freak. I wouldn't let no one touch me. I think that is waht I was afraid to go to church with all these people hugging each other and wrapping their arms around each other. I was shaking and couldn't believe the crap I was telling the bishop. How I want them to stop hurting me, but who? I want them to leave me alone. I want them to leave me alone. I told him how one of my previous bishops told me after he found out what happened to me in 1996 and 1997 that if I had of told him he would have made it stop. And then I kept saying over and over to make it stop, don't let them hurt me. But who the hell are them? It was only this guy doing it .I just was afraid. Anyway as this guy never showed up, I began to feel comfortable around my friends, although now I have decided I will not get too close to anyone especially new ppeople who come to our church.

I met with the bishop and he pretty much indicateed that previous bishops said this guy was having problems and he didn't go into detail.

So thanks to you guys I have averted a situation which would have gotten out of hand. And I am safe . But believe me I am sitll going to go to the GAy and lesbian center for counseling. I have to . They deal with these situations all the time. I just know I will put it out of my mind and it will come back to haunt me. Teenagers in their late teens pretty much scare the living crap out of me right now. There are more issues that are being drawn out because of what recently happened to me. I just hope I don't sink all of a sudden. I am afraid of the counseling actually, too much hurt.