FMIGHELL, thanks so much for your reply. my first ? on your reply is how old were you when you had that trick? 2nd. how old were you when the abuse took place? my ? to all three of you why do we cotinue to go back to bad times, the abuse, when we are supposed to be haveing a good time in todays world and life? I know my brain in damaged because of me being hit by the subway train. And what happened yesterday, and 4 months ago at this place, when I loose the present time, I come to thinking I/m back in 1949 when daddy did it to me, and in 1951 when those 2 18yr olds did they did to me. I know about today, and the fact that I havenn't had any dict up my ass for 4 years because of where I live, but as I tell my counselor, I can still give a hell of a blow job, even given my physical limitations.Fmighell, how did the trick feel and think? or am I asking something too personal? I do think all of us abuse survivors have problems having sex with anyone, but I do think it is very hard for us gay survivors of have sex with another guy. what do you guys think? as the saying goes, all of you have a good day. bosishere, aka Michael