Triggers Warning

OMG...
i just met this guy at a club. he was the hottest one in the club in my opinion. bosnian, 45, great body, strong, the kind of guy who can handle me. so he's kissing me and all, and that's fine, only i'm afraid i'll get some disease cuz i've never met this guy before and it's at the baths, but he's into me since the day i get in there...it's funny the ones i like are always the ones who are hanging out by the lockers and eating me up right when i get there...after going through the place i always return to the original guy (i'v'e only done this twice)...so he wants to fuck me and i'm insisting on a condom and it's in this little stall and i get claustrophobic, so i leave. i do this about three times in different situations, leaving him and then i give him my number.

blah blah we end up fucking in his car on the side of some road in the berkeley hills after espresso, which was too strong at the time for me. now i'm nauseous...he's forty5, he's in the same profession as my dad... the one who initually "abused" me in the beginning when i was younger...so now i'm all "triggered" and need to go into therapy...i'm on some great antidepressants which are helping me...i can't afford therapy because i just relocated and the kind of therapy i want/need (or whatever) is pretty expensive for someone who's temping while they find a real job. So i have a health insurance gap. I'm just kind of freaking out because now i'm all"triggered" and nauseous the fact that he is in the same profession as my dad...if he hadn't said that everyone would have been FINE. this is really ironic. my little plan is to have sex with him but not lead him on...(haha)...because he's so hot as a body/character...it's just his profession...the mental part that is SO not good. he lives in berkeley where i want to be anyhow...anyways...i met this otehr guy online who is hotter and my age and confused and all the things that annoy me about poeple my age...i think i need to continue on with therapy and maybe have sex with people on the side...but the younger guy is cute and hopefully i can take him skydiving this weekend...something that i've always wanted to do...i just feel sick so i thought i could just post here to let it out...thanks...i want someone my age who does NOT remind of my father...yeah? yeah...

I added the Triggers Warnings.