Last saturday I had a date, been looking forward to it for days, ever since I ďmetĒ this guy on the internet. (yeah, I know I taking risks) and sure enough it didnít turn out to be anything more then a few hours. The results are pretty much the same as the past dates. Iím not only blaiming myself for getting used again (although I was practically begging the guy to do whatever he wanted with me) but far more, its been an 5 day recovery from a single evening. I wonít be much out of line if I would state that such a responce canít be healthy in any way. Its happened before and every time I decide to stop dating period. I can keep my promise for a few moths at the most, but then other emotions take over. And the results are pretty much the same every time.
There always is this notion of just how crazy I must be to even want a relationship with someone, I wouldnít be able to be much to him anyway. I keep wondering why it is that I put myself in harms way, knowing I hate the end result. It is like I have no control over myself. I donít understand myself at times like these.