OK, so my boyfriend and I speak every night (3,000 mile distance between us). Last night he said that he would call me (he did, but I didn't get to the phone in time) I called hum right back and he didn't answer the phone for the rest of the night. The next day, he said that he has waited by the phone all night waiting for me to call until he fell asleep. (But I called all night....) Anyway, tonight I told him that I would call him at 9:30 my time, which I did, I was in the supermarket at the time, and really couldn't focus on the conversation . I asked him if it would be ok to call him back in 15 mintes, which I did, again, no answer. I have my won set of trust an abandonment issues, I don't want to overreact, but for this to happen two nights in a row is a bit much for me to take. He has told me that he is committed to me and I want to believe that, but each time I call and get his ansering machine my doubts begin to scream. Now, I know that he is going to tell me that he was home all night. I really have no choice but to trust him, but I just can't imagine the phone malfunctioning that many times and I certainly can not imagine that he would sit and watch the phone ring, knowing that I am calling him only to not answer the phone. I really don't know what to think. I just left my last message. I told him that I can't take the disappointment of listening to his machine anymore, so I am not calling him anymore tonight. I told him that I loved him and would try to call him on the job tomorrow (which is almost impossible in and of itself) and that I was very disappointed that he didn't pick up (you are probably wondering wht he just can't call me bakc...he has no long distance carrier and can't make long distance calls from home.)

A part of my is angry becuase I feel like a sucker. I wonder if he just wants to make sure that I haven't made any plans with anyone else and then leaves me alone so that I won't have anyone. He doesn't like me having friends (although I have no intention of giving them up...they help to keep me grounded) I just don't know...I know that I shouldn't pick up the phone again, but something keeps goading at me....just try one more time...but the other side of me doesn't want to face the fact that he will probably not answer the phone. Would he do this on purpose? I didn't ask that question of myself yesterday, but today I have to wonder...what kind of pattern is this? How should I handle this?

I think the thing that scares me is that be told me that when he first moved out to FL. he would engage in some pretty self destructive behavior when he was upset. I guess I am just afriad that he got upset when I wasn't able to talk to him then, got up and left the house only to engage in his damaging behavior. I have absolutely no evidence of this, but the thought keeps gnawing away at me. I don't want to ask him becuase I am afraid that he will think that I am judging him or throwing something in his face. I am going out there in 2 days...and I am feeling edgy...

How can I handle this...I don't want to be upset wiht him, but I am.

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Peace and Blessings...love and light