The following is a private message between me and lizzie. I am moving it here with her permission. I know that she will be well received here and that you guys can offer her words of encouragement & understanding.

Quote:
Welcome!

Let me know if I can help.

Devon

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Second star to the right and straight on until morning
Peace Baby
Old Farts Rule, Adolescents Drool

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Posts: 126 | From: South Mississippi | Registered: Sep 2002

lizzie
New Here
Member # 970 posted November 28, 2002 05:03 PM
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Thank you Devon.

I have been in an 18 month relationship with a man who was abused 38 years ago. I left England, where he is and returned to my home, Australia 5 weeks ago with the assumption for both of us that the relationship was over albeit neither of us wanted it to end.

He has never dealt with the abuse and until i came into his life he said he had buried it all. When we first met I made a statement "i want to know all about you", meaning your likes, your hates, your favourite subjects at school, that type of thing. What he "heard" was "oh my God, she can see right through me, she knows of the abuse and wants all the gory details". What he heard of course was not my intention but nevertheless it is what he "heard".

It has been 18 months of secrecy, paranoia, porno, lies, obsession and betrayal (betrayal via the internet) and I could not handle it any more. But, in saying that, on a day to day basis no two people could laugh as much as we have, he is my soul mate and I adore him but I had to protect me.

Since being home he has written and phoned constantly. He said he is going to start therapy, that he NEEDS answers as to why he has treated me the way he has and that he NEEDS me to know these answers. Since being home he has shared a little of the abuse with me, the sexual abuse whilst in a reform school and the emotional and physical abuse of his actual home.

Without going into too much detail here, from the little he has told me, he was subjected to what I can only call a pedifile (sp) group for 18 months whilst in the reform home as well as watching beatings of his mother and beatings of himself by his father plus emotional abuse. He has started to write his life story and todate I have read up until the age of 10. by that time no sexual abuse had taken place but in every other regard it is sickening and heart wrenching.

He wants us to work and of course I do also. My biggest obstacle is knowing if he is simply a bastard or is someone whose actions in the present are a result of the abuse of 38 years ago. He is now 51.

Smiles, that was a drawn out explanatin as to why i have joined the group. I am simply trying to understand. There is no judgement from me, only love for him but I need to understand if his actions are as a result of everything. I have read the articles on the site and from those I can see huge similiarites. I guess at the moment me joining the group is MY therapy. I truly beleive that he must do HIS therapy for HIM, not me. If he simply can not do it, thats fine, he has my friendship which is solid but I cant go back to allowing myself to in essence being abused, albeit in a different fashion.

lizzie
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Posts: 0 | From: australia | Registered: Nov 2002

New to this
Guest
Member # 879 posted November 29, 2002 09:48 AM
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Wow!
It sound like he is on the road to recovery. It is a rough ride. If you want to help(it seems you do)then you need to take care of yourself also.

Continue to encourage him. He really needs that. Educate yourself about male sexual abuse. There are many similar stories here.

I think you will get more support & find other women going through this on the "Friends & Family" forum. If it is ok with you I will move all of this over so we can get more input.

Let me know if that is ok.

You've found a great place for support here. Welcome.

Devon

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Second star to the right and straight on until morning
Peace Baby
Old Farts Rule, Adolescents Drool

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Posts: 126 | From: South Mississippi | Registered: Sep 2002

lizzie
New Here
Member # 970 posted November 29, 2002 02:54 PM
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yes, that is fine to move it over to the friends and family. What do I do to get there?

Thank you
lizzie


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"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon