thanks again to those who have responded - I've not been online as much as usual - things are up and down of course.
I find that if I stayed focused on him and his problems I have much more compassion and understanding, but then, if I begin to think of me and my hurt (his infidelities etc) then I pretty well lose it and become "poor me".
I always hate it when I do this - it seems so weak and selfish - but most of the time, we are making it ok. He is really a very good person and I am amazed at his toughness and perserverance up to this point.
I have written other sources (including those that had been suggested) and have received no replies as yet, and I certainly don't want to impose on anyone.
Tinfoil, I do know that there are predators who will profit from others misfortune and I have been very very careful. Matter of fact, this is the only board and you are the only people that I have spoken of these matters with. I appreciate that you have been so hurt and yet reach out to others to comfort and advise them.