Your husband definitely needs to be seeing a therapist by himself.
My SA husband sees his weekly, I see mine biweekly and we see his as a couple triweekly.
There are several books around on sexual healing for survivors. I only started reading (1) The Sexual Healing Journey - A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz and (2)The Survivor's Guide to Sex - How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Abuse by Staci Haines. There are also several web sites that address the same issues. See 'www.HealthySex.com' is Wendy Maltz's website which even has 2 videos on relearning to touch. Just arrived so I haven't seen all. Any positive affect on our sex life will easily pay for the $95 cost (for set of 2 tapes).
Find YOURSELF a new therapist cause this one sucks. Telling someone to forget about sex is absurd. I find that I need the sense of renewal and closeness that sex supplies now more than ever. The walls of isolation seem to grow like 'KUDZU along the highway' if the space (real or virtual) between us is left empty. You may have to find a non-threatening was to explain to him how you feel. You might possibly work out a way that you can clearly signal that you are interested in sex so that he can be the actual initiator.
Good luck on this *** roller coaster ride from hell *** that living with a survivor can be!!