Hi,
This is my first post to this site, though I have been reading other posts and info the site provides for a few months now. 4 months ago, my husband of 5 years confided in me that he had been sexually abused by his sister's fiance and then husband as an adolescent. I was so shocked and surprised by the information--my response was not supportive, and I felt like if he could hold something this important back from me, what other secrets was he keeping? I questioned his sexuality, and his committment to our family (we're pregnant with our second child). As I got used to the knowledge, and began to cope on a daily basis, I realized that I would need counseling on my own to find out how to be supportive and deal with my questions about the abuse and his sexuality. I went to 2 counseling sessions, and invited him to come, which he has. Even after counseling, I feel like our marriage isn't the same. One of the problems we had before he told me about the sa was that my desire for sex seemed to be greater than his. I just thought it was our different sex drives, but now I'm not sure. In counseling, he said that sex with me as the iniator makes him feel again those feelings of powerlessness. The counselor advised me to just let go of the sex part of our marriage, and focus on being close in other ways. I have totally done this. For several months now, we haven't had any sexual contact at all. We have been loving and kind to each other, but I still feel cheated out of our intimacy. He seems so happy with no sex or sexual expectations, and I feel like he won't EVER iniate sex. I'm not truly happy in a sexless marriage. I don't feel appreciated as a woman, or desirable, rather, I feel like his roommate. I miss the intimacy and closeness I thought we had before when we were sexual. Should I just let it be? Talk to him about it? How long do I wait for my husband to want me? I've mentioned my concern to the counselor, and he says to just focus on the positives. Thanks for listening.