It has been a while since I posted on here. I am in quite a situation. Last October I was sexually assualted by two men at gun point. It took me ten months to get back to work. Now almost a year later the detective calls me and says that they believe they have found the guys. They are involved in some drug thing too. At any time in the next 2-3 weeks the police are going to get them and bring them in. At that point they want me to come back ( I moved out of the state where it happened) and identify them in a line up. Of course I was told there is a chance these might not be the right guys. Because in I was the one who saw them face to face...sort of speak.
Ok, so my family is worried about safety. What if these guys get out? What if they try something else? What about if it goes to trial?
This has hit me right out of the blue. I am not sleeping. I have become nervous again in public. I am on edge. I am having nitemares on and on. I told my wife that if I go do this (by the way she is supporting whatever I decide) I go alone to the station. My reason being..#1) I think it would give me some control over this and #2) No one would see anyone but me other words not another single member of my family would be seen of course I know there is a third reason.....#3) shame I am so a shamed that this happened to me.
I have lived through the time wondering if I got infected....(I'm not) and getting into a routine of working again. (though my boss is supportive of me going in I decide...I did not give him the details) It's just this shit never ends.....I feel like I am going to have to deal with this forever. This phone call about this had made me have flashback of other abuse. It's just amazing.
On one hand I am better. On the other hand this is one time that someone who actually DID something to me MIGHT be punished! Plus I would feel bad if I didn't do this and they did it to others. Well, from what I was told they did do this to others. That month alone there were 15 rapes....two other victims besides me were men.
I am feeling very overwhelmed. What would any of you do? Would you go? Any insite would help.