I love my husband of 17 years very, very deeply. I have been a faithful and devoted wife. When I met him, having just turned 18, I had had previous sexual experiences, none of which had brought me any pleasure, and which I felt terrible about, though there had been multiple partners. My husband, at age 21, was a virgin, having saved himself for the woman he wanted to spend his life with - what an honor! Unfortunately, at my young and immature state, and not understanding bedroom ettiquette, I said a few unfortunate things during our very first encounter. I don't really remember this, but I do not doubt it. I was not the mature, sensitive person then that I am today. Anyway, what I said apparently traumatized him and caused him to forever feel sexually inadequate, like "half a man", and he says that he has always been fighting demons in our bed. He says that he has never been inside with me that he didn't feel the "others", and that he was always fighting those ghosts. When our son was born, he even wanted him born by c-section so that he would be "clean and pure", not having passed through that part of me which was so tainted. As of very recently, events happened (my "first" contacted him on the internet), which caused a very serious downward spiral for my husband, which has culminated in a sort of breakdown. He is seeking therapy. His doctor has told him that what I "did" to him, traumatizing him at a very tender and special moment in his life, was a kind of sexual abuse!!! Imagine my horror! He claims that through the years I tried to control his sexuality (in my youth, I was very insecure) by not wanting him to have girlie magazines or to look at porn site on the web. These days, now that I am mature and more confident, these little things do not bother me. But, I ijnadvertantly hurt him this way, too. I understand that my actions are not relavant, but that his emotional reaction to them is. I am, of course, struggling to reconcile my own distress about it all. My husband is a fantastic lover, and not at all anything resembling "half a man". He was the only man who ever gave me pleasure, but he doesn't believe me. I am so very sad about this all, and would appreciate any comments you have, whether good or negative. My husband is a wonderful man> i would not have stayed with him for 17 years otherwise. Thanks...