I respect people who choose to forgive. I also respect people who feel that is not the choice for them. Quite a few times, since I have been a member here, this subject has come up, and it often becomes a battle of beliefs, and we can become quite obnoxious towards each other in defending what our belief and choice is. Forgiveness is a very personal thing, and is an individual decision. No one should feel guilted or shamed into doing it if it is not what they wish to do.
I will never forgive my father. I do not waste energy in anger toward him or hating him. I am more indifferent towards him now. But I never will forgive him. He killed my brother with his abuse. To me, in my mind and my personal ethics, that is unforgiveable.
To willingly harm someone weaker than you, knowing that you are causing harm, and to continue to do it without any seeming conscience, and to never acknowledge responsibility for your actions or remorse, to me, that strikes as someone who does not deserve forgiveness. Some will perhaps still make that choice, and power and good wishes to them. Others will not, and power and good wishes to them also.
The man who was my primary sexual abuser, he has expressed regret recently. I am suspicious of him to the extent that I wonder if it is not some devious mind f**k, which I know he (as I have known him before) is quite capable of. I do not forgive, but I pity him, because as a friend said to me once, he can not possibly have any peace in his heart and soul. I find that sad.
I choose to not forgive, at this time. Perhaps some day I will change my mind about that. But my decision deserves respect, whichever it is I choose. I am not causing any hurt or harm with not forgiving, including to myself. So to me, it is not a major issue.
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963