my abuse began at such a young age....at about 2 1/2 that my memories are so jumbled.... a sound of a wind chime set off distinct memories but my real memories began at my grandmother's funeral.....the last time i saw my uncle....8 years ago.....the molester nightmares started......over and over and over......the memories of being 4 and not wanting to be the slave anymore.....wanting to be hercules so that my "slaves" would perform oral sex on me.......how did i even know about oral sex at 4??????? this is not an imagined memory it has been with me since i was 4......i was 4 1n 1962......not exactly the blow-job era........why have i never been able to have sex with anybody....guy or girl.....although i've had many, many opportunities with both.....why do i think of killing myself every minute of the day?????? WHEN WILL I FINALLY HAVE THE COURAGE TO JUST DO IT??????? if you'd like to talk to me, my e-mail is mikedow24@hotmail.com......if not, that is ok too....take care of yourself.....michael