I just ran across this site and thought it might offer me some hope and encouragement. I've about exhausted everything else. I was raped and tortured by a group of men when I was a young man, and have wrestled with the effects of it for decades. For years there was anger and denial that it even happened. Then there were the (not atypical) fantasies about the abuse. I sought counseling after many years, then decided to BECOME a counselor. I have 6 years of study in the field and have led workshops and groups on sexual abuse.
I'm still feeling alone and worthless. A few years ago I told my wife about the abuse. She became distant and hostile, and her therapist told her to divorce me. She began divorce proceedings, but changed her mind. We are still together, but she refuses to have anything sexually to do with me. I have become so disillusioned with (so-called) therapists that I decided not to pursue a career in therapy, but rather to stay in my current profession. My experience with therapists has virtually all been very negative and no help at all. I am tired of the fads, cliches and "recovery talk". It hasn't worked. I am a human being, not a case in a textbook or a "typical survivor" (a term I hear a lot, which is meaningless, since every person's experiences are unique).
I have been in so-called "support groups", but grew very tired of being told that I was really "queer" (I'm not) and in denial. I have never understood why openly gay men are readily accepted in such groups, while men admitting to being abuse survivors are treated as if they had leprosy (no offense to those of you who have leprosy!!). I am wondering if others out there have had to deal with this sort of thing. I'd rather hear from someone who has been there than someone who has read about guys who heve been there.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.