I don't know exactly what I expect to receive from this post. I have reached out on other boards. I have talked to therapists and lawyers. A few friends. My mother. The overwhelming feedback I get is an impatient, let him go, and save yourself response, in which I agree. Or a "you are a bright, beautiful, etc.. etc..." as if I am suffering low self-esteem... If a man tries to help his wife, he's a hero. If a woman tries to help her husband, she obviously thinks she can't do any better, or hates being single, or is trying to "fix" him.
I married my husband. We were both drinkers. He had problems. But so did I, apparently... We were both at a bottom... I realize now, that it wasn't a bottom for him. It was his medium. But this is why I couldn't see his potentially severe problems. It wasn't until we both gave up drinking, I got pregnant, and he relapsed around the baby's birth that I truly began "seeing".
When the baby was 5 weeks, I texted his mother and said he relapsed. I said he needed therapy. She started cursing me out with vulgar names for 3 days. Then, he started cursing me out. And then, she called child services on false child abuse claims. Wow.
Then, he just was abusive, from then on, using every verbal abuse trick from wikipedia. It is strange. We were best friends.
There were a peaceful week or two for the first five months of my son's life. But my hisband kept drinking, so I kicked him out. I filed divorce. Out of nowhere, my best friend flipped into my worst nightmare. The end.
Maybe I want to find closure. But I am bothered by the mother.
This is what I know:
I put a stroller on a baby registry solely for my father to know which one to buy. She called my husband and was upset. He literally cried to me, begging to put her name on the registry.
In the beginning, he told me he wasn't close to her at all. But, it turns out, they are extremely close and he's very loyal to her.
Twice, he told me that he lost his innocence young. But later denies it meant being abused.
His mother was in foster care for 2 yrs when she was young. Her older sister called on the parents.
The mother had an affair with her sister's husband. My husband was the product of that union.
The only gift I have ever seen her send my husband was boxers.
He doesn't like to be seen nude, below the waist.
He has chest pains.
He is an alcoholic.
He always thinks I am cheating.
He keeps running to my mom when we fight, despite her never really welcoming conversation with him.
He told my mother inappropriate sexual things about me... details. Very inappropriate to mention to anyone... let alone a mother.
When we separated, he kept asking if I brought over men. We live in a studio. There is a baby. That's creepy.
When we were together. He came home from work and looked under the bed... Still, imagining a man is hiding under bed while a baby is in the crib.
Only one sexual position, and it's in a dominant stance.
In the beginning, he had a hard time achieving o.
The mother called me a "c---". Very vulgar, and masculine for a woman of that age.
... Maybe there's more details... I can't remember right now. I felt he could've been sexually abused. I thought it could've been a boyfriend of the mother... Or something. I never met the mother. But after the interaction with her, I feel it is her. I feel strongly she is not just psychologically or emotionally abusive, which. Is obvious. I feel she is the perpetrator. She has no sexual boundaries. She has a brother, who lives alone and never been married. They are very close. I feel that she has relationship with brother and son. Uncle to nephew. A strong incestual triangle where she's the leader.
I sm scared for my son. Whatever is going on, my husband will rather allow the abuse than betray his family or be a victim. They're from Western KY. There's a strong clan like bond. He said he'll give me a hard time with custody. That creepy woman who has to always be sexy... I just don't like this situation I am in.
I don't even think I can truly ever forgive my husband to take him back... And that's a painful reality, because I loved him very much. And he finally broke that love. But is there a way to wake him up?