It has been a rough couple of weeks. Watching my mom in her final days in the hospital, her passing on Sunday, to her funeral on Thursday.

my brother gave a very powerful eulogy. One of the things that he spoke about that really hit me was when he was talking about how much influence she had made in so many lives.

I know this is also what I want to accomplish. I wanted to touch many lives in a positive way. I then thought about how many people I have unintentionally hurt. How I tried to help non-survivors understand how deep and damaging our pain goes only to be told to " get over it ". I look at myself and how I have even let myself down in not focusing much on me either.

I feel like a failure. I feel like I haven't helped any of my survivor brothers, my non-survivor friends, not even me. Makes me feel like there is going to be a lot of people at my funeral just to spit on my grave.
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live another day. climb a little higher.

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