I need a way to get this out that is safe. I am grateful that I can put this out here.
It was my birthday. It was a Sunday afternoon. I went to a gay bar where someone was playing the piano. I love to sing. I remember singing at the piano.
I ended up going home with one of the men. We had sex. I felt cheap. I felt I had violated the sacredness of my being by having meaningless sex with someone I did not know, I did not care about, and I had no interest or desire to see again.
I got home to my wife and she had waited dinner for me. She had made a special effort to make a nice meal for me since it was my birthday. She wanted to honor me by caring for me. I was ashamed and embarrassed that I had been inconsiderate of her and I had violated her love for me by trashing myself with a stranger.
The sadness has been a burden to me. She deserved better. I offer this account as an apology to God, to her, and to myself.