Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
I too, respectfully, differ from the survivor self-help lexicon. I do think rape is sex - for the perp, not for the victim. ...if it involves fucking somebody then it is about sex for the aggressor.

I agree with your argument, and really learned something from reading what you just wrote. This quote is the only thing I would differ on, but that may just come down to each individual victim's perception and interpretation of what are ultimately intensely personal crimes. The semantics I suppose are correct in the last statement - that it is about sex for the aggressor. But for me, both the CSA and ASA were about sex for me as well because that was how the aggressor defined the experience for me. It wasn't fulfilling, pleasurable, loving, wonderful, euphoric or elational sex. I think people sometimes think those are more than just adjectives - that they define the word. But they only describe healthy sex. If I could have just been there emotionally detached, unfeeling and uninvolved - the journey for me in the months and years that followed would very possibly have been different.

Interesting - the discussion comes right back to that magic pill, which is starting to look pretty good to me right now. The magic pill sounds sort of like the date rape drug - where the violation occurs but we don't have to remember being present for it, we are not haunted by the memory of our participation. Some would argue that such a pill would be like sticking our head in the sand, finding refuge in oblivion to reality. Maybe the mind cannot be injured if the brain is anesthetized or detached, and that the lack of any traces of memory equates to a lack of deeper psychic damage.

Eirik