I had to look at the post a few times to make sure you wrote it. You see, I could have written almost the exact same post about myself.
We want to have good relationships and feel that people accept us. We know that good relationships require trust. We feel like we need to assume a high level of trust and intimacy. We share something we're later embarrassed about, or we say/do something that gets a less than 100% positive reaction. We feel like we just killed the relationship forever. We spend a whole bunch of time beating ourselves up over the "stupid mistake" we just made. After that, we reach out cautiously to test the relationship to see if we did any real damage. Finally, we get ourselves so embarrassed about it that we feel compelled to decide that either they are stupid and worthless, or we are (and we almost always decide that we are). Sound familiar?
I think the key here is reading what you wrote in the quotes and what you wrote outside of the quotes. What's in the quotes doesn't look remotely "wrong" as far as I can tell. Outside the quotes, you are making some major assumptions about what she was feeling (defensive and reasoning it off).
The reality is that you expressed disappointment about not being chosen, and she responded with a silly platitude ("Well, you know how it is. You're a filmmaker. You try and put something together and it falls apart.") instead of a helpful response. Now, you're interpreting that as a sign that you did something wrong.
You sent a text message asking her a follow-up question, and she has so far ignored it. Again, what did you do that was "wrong?"
We don't know what she was thinking. Was it too loud and she didn't hear you ask about why you weren't chosen? Did she not have a good answer and felt embarrassed that she couldn't give you constructive feedback? Was she worried about something in her personal or professional life and wasn't paying attention?
I don't know what she was thinking either, but I can tell you one thing for certain. You are not stupid or a failure. You're a good man who is thinking and learning about himself every day in a lifelong pursuit of happiness. That's the best kind of person I can imagine.
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"