I get it. MB can be like just another drug to self-medicate, to numb the pain. And everything you need is always within reach. When it becomes compulsive, it feels like another way the perp can reach through time and space and still control you.
For me, cold turkey was the only way. Yeah I slip now and then, but its out of horniness, not out a need to self-medicate or to re-connect with my abuser.
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?. The Who