So I don't deny that there has been growth and progress in many areas of my life after going in to therapy, but it seems I'm stuck at the moment.
I have never been able to figure out self sabotage. I don't know why I do it, and no matter how hard I look for answers, I can't seem to find any. I routinely procrastinate on projects - it is true that I work better under pressure, but not always. There are times when not knowing how I'm going to get things done when timelines are tight crushes me so badly with anxiety that I freeze. I try to move myself into action so that I can become motivated, but I get derailed by these mini panics.
When this happens, as I'm sure many of you are familiar, I feel like I'm about to die. I am not suicidal and would never take any action that I thought would end my life, but sometimes I feel the only way to snap me out of these moods is to do some sort of light self harm or cutting, just to provide enough pain to snap me out of my panic. Obviously, this is NOT a healthy way of dealing with these situations.