I've recognized a pattern in myself and I'm wondering if it's typical of men who've been hurt in a sexual way by their mothers (or perhaps its true of all survivors of childhood sexual abuse).
Recently, my mother claimed that there had been something wrong with my mind while I was struggling with my physical illness. It was a rather subtle way to call me "Crazy". She has done this more obviously in the past as well.
A couple of days later I felt an intense urge to watch porn and masturbate. This is very unusual for me. I haven't felt this way, nor masturbated for many years. When I recognized it as a fearful response to my mother's label, the urges disappeared! I've been told by my abuse therapist, that children often masturbate when they feel threatened. It keeps their energy low (and hence are less of a disturbance to parents). I'm thinking that this old way of responding to a threat (the "crazy" label) was what was happening to me. Once I recognized the threat, the need to dump my energy disappeared!
Do any of you experience this?
Love is the answer