I hear you on the disorientation piece. I get easily confused and triggered emotionally in most social settings. All it takes is one sexually frustrated woman with an unresponsive partner and I'm into it.
I think part of it is my intense craving for the kind of non-sexual touch that newborns need and I still crave. It is so much not a part of adult relations that I think I try to force myself into a culture that isn't addressing my needs at all! So I get confused. I'm much less confused now, (particularly since finding this cuddle buddy group and reading Marnia Robinson's thought's on healing from early childhood bonding trauma (see: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1734
)), but it's been a difficult ride where I live.
I'll have to travel to explore this Cuddle Party idea, but it inspires me a great deal. I've got alot of work to do on my health before I can travel too.
Thanks for your wishes for brave steps. Yes, we are both taking brave steps. I hope that yours land well too.