This is something that came out of my journal today, and I wanted to share it to get some feedback from others. I think part of my recovery had to do with doing away with a lot of these downright lies (my interpretation of them, anyway - I'm sure some will disagree with things I classify as such here):
  • Infancy is not important - I think this aspect is sometimes overlooked, especially when the CSA happened after our abuse. I've learned that how we are treated as infants and babies (whether with love and attention, or neglect) profoundly shapes how we deal with abuse in later life.
  • Friends are always friendly - they're not. They point out things you're doing wrong if they think they're hurting you.
  • Love should be unconditional - only in childhood. To seek unconditional love when you're an adult from another adult (or from a child, for that matter) is a recipe for disaster.
  • What works for you works for others - it doesn't. We're wired so differently even from before the abuse that what works for you may be detrimental to someone else.
  • You shouldn't keep secrets - sometimes disclosure isn't the best thing. It may be ill-timed, or done unwisely with someone who will take advantage of your secret or use them to lecture you and feel better about themselves.
  • Feeling is weakness - feeling is getting in touch with your true self, and sometimes coming face to face with long-buried painful truths. It actually takes courage to feel.
  • Your worth is based on (your latest) achievements and success - everyone has intrinsic worth, regardless of one's utility.
  • You should only feel positive emotions; negative emotions are bad - guilt, shame, pain, suffering, devastation, jealousy, envy, anger, hatred, humiliation etc. are all natural emotions that are part of the human experience and an access to the truth of what's going on in reality. Act on them? Not always the best thing, but acknowledging and feeling them does not make you a bad human being.
  • Healing can only be found in human relationships - human relationships are only part of the solution. Music, beauty, arts, nature are all overlooked but can be critical, and sometimes more important, in healing than human relationships.
  • There is a standard way for loving everyone - everyone is different and has different needs. Everyone has a different story that has its own peculiarities and nuances - all of them have to be addressed in order to truly understand and love someone. You can't do A, B and C and say "I love you" and expect the recipient to agree.
  • Law acknowledges and protects us from all forms of abuse - emotional abuse is sadly not a "crime". What a different world it would be if it was, though I agree it's hard to prove and can lead to murky waters. That being said though, there are many alcoholics, drug addicts and sadly those who take their own lives because of it. Very underestimated in terms of its power and destruction.
  • Lying is bad - lying sometimes is the only way to protect yourself from further harm. Telling the truth requires trust, and that is something that is earned, not something to be taken for granted or forced.
  • Good intentions lead to good actions - sometimes with the best of intentions, you can hurt someone.
Thoughts? Any others that come to mind?


Edited by concerned_husky (01/08/14 01:27 PM)
Edit Reason: Edited point on integration.
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Husky