My name is Ike and I have been married for 7 years now. My wife found out about my CSA in 2008. During that time, I had a one night stand with a guy and she found out about my porn addiction to gay porn. I have been in therapy since 2009. I am a leader in my Celebrate Recovery sexual group. I have been sober for almost three years now.
However, I have been struggling for the past few weeks. About two weeks ago I had a dream about my CSA and we was having sex. The dream was very sexual and I wound up having a wet dream from it. Every since that dream I have been stuggling and having other dreams/fantasy about childhood friends who I have never been with. I feel really bad because I don't understand why these dreams are so strong. My wife is very supportative but I feel like I am living a lie sometimes. I feel like I don't know who I am and feel like I am pretending to be straight. I am at a point where I don't even feel like having sex at all. sometimes I feel like just running away and she would be so happy without me. However I have a 5 year old daughter and a 14 yearold son with her. My son is actually my stepson. I am taking medication for depression wellburtin (sp?).
I don't know what to do. I am in a depress state and feels like my wife deserve somebody better than me. She is my best friend. I don't know what's going on guys. Thanks for listening to me.