I am Professor Pooh! I am a "military brat" that lived as far west as Texas where I was born to Virginia where I was amidst a strong family network even for just a moment. Ironically, the state where many things began including my sexual abuse is the state for which I reside. My abuse began when I was around 5/6 and ended before getting into my adolescent years. There were five (5) different individuals that at a minimum that fondled me and at a maximum tried to have me perform oral sex on them.
Initially, I was fearful, afraid, and completely taken off guard. Then I began to think that if this keeps happening to me especially since three of the instances involved males and two involved females that it was normal or that I was targeted for sexual exploitation. Regardless of the perspective, I definitely put up walls. I did not trust anyone beyond what I could throw them. I have battled with relational/emotional esteem and efficacy issues. I have struggled with anger which has diminished substantially, particularly in the past few years.
I will say that my trust was further exacerbated considering that other adult family members knew some of things that happened, but did not explain anything to me or really took out the time to help me or process what happened. On two of the five occasions, my dad was aware that something happened. He even waled in on the act. The first time he beat me and my step brother that had me to masturbate him, and the second time my cousin walked in on me being assaulted by another cousin who was dry humping me and told my Grandma and Aunt, who told my dad. My dad along with my uncles present had us to fight one another to resolve the issue. Needless to say, it did not end the molestation that would continue for years every time the family would get together.
Although a wall of shame and a stronghold of mistrust was erected, I have purposed and am committed to tearing them down and taking the renewed risk to be me, absent of the lies associated with the sexual abuse. Thank you for hearing, sharing, and caring!
Yours in Overcoming,