Hello,

I'm a first time poster on this forum and I really appreciate all of the good work that this organization has done and continues to do.

I am writing about my uncle (now 55 years old). About 10 years ago it came out that he had been sexually abused when he was about 13 years old by an American teacher while he was living overseas (with his immediately family, i.e. my grandparents). I believe that he had suppressed the memory for most of his life until a near-divorce with his wife at that time triggered it to come back again. After learning this and reading more about the subject, I'm convinced that his abuse has influenced his entire life - choices, addictions, personality traits, etc.

He has been an alcoholic for quite some time and over the past few years it has gotten out of control. Since December 2012, he has lost his job, lost his marriage (he and his wife are currently pursuing a divorce- for real this time), lost his children (his oldest son won't even talk to him at this point), has been to an international 30-day rehab retreat (which worked upon his return home for about two weeks and then he went right back to it once he was around his triggers again), and has begun to destroy the remainder of his family as well (his parents [my grandparents] are in their 80s and forced to take care of him at all hours of the night, his sisters [my mom and aunt] have to spoon feed him every day, and everyone fights constantly and is miserable because of the situation). Currently, he is in a catatonic state laying in a chair in his house, can't form a coherent sentence, won't eat, and is basically killing himself slowly.

His immediate family members are trying to attack the alcohol problem but I do believe (after what I've learned) that alcohol is not the cause of all of this, but the sexual abuse he experienced is. However, I do understand that he can't even talk to anyone before getting sober, so I do understand why they are going after that issue first. But, during the bouts where he has been sober, everyone just kind of holds their breathe and waits until he begins drinking again, instead of trying to get him into an intensive therapy program. I guess because "not drinking" is such an improvement that everyone is afraid to push him forward towards additional solutions. He's also not very agreeable to anything that will ultimately help his situation (he has been to a few therapists but reacts to them as if he knows much more than they do, and won't be honest with them- I have read about similar reactions in a few sexual abuse books, so I guess this is common?). I think that he is giving up and letting his demons win, because he cannot find a way to deal with them. Not to mention the fact that he's been an incredibly stubborn person since birth. I guess in the state in which he is currently living we could call 911 and they could forcefully commit him somewhere, but my grandmother is completely against that, so we are left with caring for someone who is in a catatonic state, not eating, and slowly killing himself.

I know that all of the above sounds incredibly hopeless, but the one thing that I (as the resourceful person in the family) had not yet done was post on this forum and seek advice. I am wondering if any of you have any ideas at all about how to handle this. I thought "rock bottom" would be the impetus for him to seek treatment (on multple levels), but "rock bottom" has come and gone.

Do any of you have any ideas about how we could begin to turn this situation around, and above all, HELP him? Are there therapists who specialize in sexual abuse victims who would make house calls? Are there therapists and/or treatment centers that specialize in the alcoholism-addiction-sexual abuse combination? Is there someone he can talk to on the phone? Are there things we can say to encourage him to get the help that he needs (since he is not very agreeable to anything)? Is there anything we can do while he's completely obliterated by alcohol or do we indeed have to wait until he's sober to address the real issue here? Also, what can I do to convince the rest of my family that we need to concentrate on addressing the sexual abuse issue and not just the alcohol problem?

Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated. At this point, we are all getting pretty hopeless and think he will not survive through the new year. When I was growing up, I knew him as this amazing, fun, strong, spirited person, and I'd do anything to get him back to that, no matter what we have to do or how long it takes. I know the rest of my family feels the same way.

Thank you, and I really appreciate all of you and everything you do to help people who seek assistance from this wonderful organization.

-HRB