Redswami
I read your post days ago, along with all the ones before. And it's been on my mind a lot.
I'm nearly 49, over twice your age, but we've followed a similar path from abuse through acting out. Wondering about our sexuality and then finding it doesn't work properly when we try.
It's a bitter disapointment to get "through" recovery, stop acting out and then discover that masturbation is the only way for me to have any sex. A big part of my problem could well be the effect of boarding school and being seperated from my family, obviously being abused while there made it worse, but that kind of deprivation makes someone resist affection for the rest of their lives, abuse does as well.
Maybe being abused by family members has the same effect, rejection of affection later in life.
And I think that sexual relationships NEED displayed affection. I love my wife dearly, but I find it so hard to hold her hand as we walk or give her a hug. Kissing and being intimate is harder than hell, when we do have sex ( make love ? ) I choose a position where my body has the least contact with hers. It kills me, then I start to go limp, so I kick off a fantasy about acting out with other men. I feel even worse about that and it ends in tears.
She understands, she know just how much I love her. But for me knowing "why" hasn't helped me much with this problem yet, maybe it will. I want to get this important bit of our life back.
I hope you do as well, it's so good to see guys starting recovery at your age.
At my age I'm having my mid life crisis as well !!!
Lloydy

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau