Not exactly a CSA issue but yesterday my youngest turned 13. She's one of those "13 going on 22" type kids. But what that means is no more little kids at home. I've been raising children for over 30 years, sometimes even doing a good job. Ten of them. No more colored pictures on the refrigerator, no more silly songs, cartoons, school plays, help tying shoes or going to the bathroom. No more quiet moments putting them to bed. telling them stories. They are all too big for any of that. What I'd give to hold a 6 year old on my lap again and make up a story and hear him giggle! Put her to bed and see the look of safety and security she has, going off to sleep. We have boxes of saved toys. Twenty-five year old legos and little army men, and dinosaurs.
I'm proud of my grown children, and happy with my teenagers. But I miss the little kids. I tried so hard (maybe too hard) to give them the kind of childhood I lost. Maybe I was just trying to relive it through them. But they turned out okay. Now all I can do is wait for grandchildren. None on the horizon. Sigh.............
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell