I was in the bar last evening with a friend. Deserved a beer and had one. We were sitting there chatting with the other patrons, one dude I am acquainted with looks at me, smiles big, and announces in front of the others I don't know…. that he is….
… going to rape my ass….
Holy smoly!! I know he meant no harm, but wow, after the week and a half of thoughts I've had, etc, and the therapy gone bad and yatta, yatta… why could not he have just said, "hey, man. that black jacket looks good on you. let's have a drink sometime." or whatever……. but he wishes to rape me. By public decree. I know he said it in jest and that he was at the bar drinking before I arrived but still...
Sometimes I think I want to just stay inside and never go out. But I don't want to do that again. I can't imagine ever going through an ordeal like that again, the rape I mean. Mine was oral rape, not anal, but who keeps a road map. Bodily entry is bodily entry. Wonder what would have happened if I had said to a group of almost and definite strangers that I had already been there, done that, and it wasn't so long ago. Suppose I had said, "Hey, dude, thanks, but I think I will pass on the rape thing. Tried it a few years ago and I am still cleaning up the emotional mess."
Of course, I left the group within seconds, and the building a few minutes later, but I wish people, especially the nice people you meet, and he is a nice guy, would begin to think what effect a sexual assault joke could have on the person its directed at.
Later on, she (my friend) drove me to my car so i wouldn't have the need to walk past the bar alone, or walk the two blocks to my vehicle in the dim street light. The guy's comment in front of the strangers just made me think of my safety, and rightly so.
For now we see through a glass, darkly.