I've been reading poetry at lunch. One of my favorites is Lawrence Ferlinghetti. A girl I dated in high school gave me one of his collections of poems and I have loved him ever since. The girl I dated is now a lesbian, work at hospice, and drinks too much. But Ferlinghetti stuck.
I've been feeling really lost lately. Anxious. Like a lot of life is a routine chore. It's not that I am sad, and I feel grateful for what and who I have in my life, but there is an empty space. A lot of times I feel like I am marching in place and every day is more of the same and less of the different. I'm hoping the new meds my doc prescribed will help with all of it. I really want a short vacation from life - a bit of time to calm down and clear my head. I get lost in my phone a lot - jumping wherever the next wikapedia link sends me. This lets me check out and just get by, but its improvement - I can do so now with other people in the room, instead of going off to the bedroom alone. Its a start, but not much of one.
I've been think a lot of Ferlinghetti, and I think maybe I am just waiting.
"I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure general practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting
to set sail for happiness" - Lawrence Ferlinghetti
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"