I waited for a confession, hoped for an apology--anything that would validate my experience in front of my family and let me know that I wasn't crazy. But then I realized that if he apologized--if everyone apologize--it wouldn't change anything inside. I would still have this soul that felt broken. The decades of training would still have to be unlearned. I kept waiting for something in the hopes that it would fix me. It took time and work before I could see that it wasn't me who needed fixed. I am OK. As long as I feel that inside, love the boy who is now a man, I know I don't need anything from the people who abused me. That includes the "need" to forgive or not to forgive them. I will never forgive someone who doesn't want forgiveness. Instead, I will do what they knowingly or unknowingly conspired to prevent me from doing. I will live.
"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17