This is something I have never shared with anyone before, the night before I was married I was molested by my new wife's cousins boyfriend. I say molested because it reminded me of what happened to me when I was 5-6 years old. I am doing better this time, the first time it happened it took me 35 years to tell someone, what I am saying now happened 34 years ago. Part of my wife's family came from out of town to attend our wedding, they were staying at my new in-laws home. My wife's cousin had brought her boyfriend with her, so with a full house, he needed some place to stay so I was asked if it would be ok if he stayed with me. I lived close by in a sleeping room, it was a one room studio apartment that I was renting by the week. He was about my age and I don't even remember his name. When we got to my apartment it was late so we went to bed right away. I do not remember how long I had been asleep but I woke up with this guy spooning me and his hands in my underwear fondling me. The term scared like a rabbit fits best. If you have ever gone hunting and seen how a rabbit acts when it is cornered, that glazed look in its eyes as it crouches down to the ground shaking and unable to move as if it knows it is about to die. I just froze, all at once I was 5 years old and it was happening again, I could not move. I just laid there and did nothing. Here is where the guilt comes in, I did nothing? I could have easily kicked his ass, punched him in the mouth or at the very least ran, but I just laid there and allowed myself to become a victim again. I have rehashed this over and over again in my mind, maybe I wanted this to happen, maybe I liked it or was I asking for it. I also struggle with, my silence, why have I never told anyone about this or shared this with my wife.

Dave