My antidepressants have severely minimized my libido(was low anyways), and I have to say that I'm glad for it. Sexuality has always been, for me, an enigmatic area of life which was often explored with trepidation and produced meager success. It was more of a social expectation which I hoped my achievement in that realm would possibly help me be recognized as a man and a human. If I'm honest with myself, my failure regarding it partially contributes to my feeling like a human imposter rather than a real person.
The early experiences I had with relationships and the opposite sex helped reinforce my sexual aversion. Rejection fueled the temptation to sexually act-out(something I deeply regret). The sexual landscape of today(I'm 25) also makes me timid about joining-in. It seems like sex-acts such as BDSM are practically par for the course, and that stuff honestly freaks me out.
A desire to someday reenter the sexual world gradually dwindles, and it feels kind of liberating. It feels like something I've always resented having and caused me nothing but embarrassment, hurt, and regret is being lifted off me.
I'm aware this post isn't asking for advice, but these are just recent thoughts I wanted to express which I thought you guys, of all people, could probably understand.
"Shine on forever
Shine on benevolent sun
Shine down upon the broken
Shine until the two become one
Shine on upon the severed
Divided, I'm withering away
Shine on upon the many, light our way