thanks for the input guys and yea Robert it is about csa and what that meant and means in my life.I really feel like the things I HAVE shared hurt her. one thing when we met she was a virgin and I told her I was too and in a sense I was but not totally honest she knows that now she never knew before we got married about ANYTHING and only found out what she knows now really just this year I guess that is why T gave the assignment. I don't know I think that telling her is just mean I HATE that part of me and I feel like I was two different people right from the start. still appreciate any input guys this is REALLY scary for me I think maybe a half truth might be easier.
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Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville