I went through a period, honestly, where I felt like a deer in the headlights. I guess I am dense because it lasted like 5 months where he continued his affair and I just sat around in shock. My point is, we all need our time to sort things out and we have to forgive ourselves for that time.

I have said it on MS a couple of times but it applies here. What do you want your life to look like? Make that list and then tolerate only the things that support that. It makes it easier to focus. I don't think he has control over you, I just think you are taking your time to sort through how you feel - and that is OKAY.