I have only recent began to grasp my innocence with my CSA. I am no longer an accomplice in the crimes committed against me.

That said, I have only shared with very very few people.

I shared my CSA with a close AA friend. She has shared with me of her 4 year old daughter being abused by a neighbor boy teen.

She said her daughter missed him and cried that he went left her life. It was so clear to me. I felt like that too. I shared with her that I felt that same confused sense of pain when My perp left. I cried just like her daughter cried.

This shit got very real. But it was not real in a bad memory way. It was a very new and strange feeling of being able to help, that my sick and twisted life experiences were somehow helpful. The girls mother, my AA friend, has helped me and was the second person I ever shared with. Being able to encourage her in some small way felt good.

There is way to much of this CSA going on. I just never saw it. It feels like there needs to be more focus on it. More public worry about CSA than what kind of carrots are in free lunches. Let Michelle O focus on that instead of organic apples in the cafeterias. Focus on the kids not being raped by predators and people paid to teach and care for them.

So I feel I was a tiny bit helpful. But I also feel there is so much apathy. I feel I see things a little more clearly, and it pisses me off. I read your stories of being taped while being raped. It makes me believe in the death penalty for those perps.

A strange mix of new emotions today. But one thing for sure, I don't feel like a victim right now. I feel something more like anger.
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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.