I was planning to take the knowledge of my abuse to my grave but after 40 years of running and hiding from being sexually abused and keeping it a secret the Lord opened a door for me to begin healing. I told a church member my secret when I hit the lowest point in my life with no desire to go on. I was desperate to end the life of being a victim and to get help as my life fell apart and I was at the end of carrying the burden alone. My marriage ended 1 year after telling my secret, as there was no compassion or understanding for the abuse I went through. (She did not believe I could have been abused. She felt I could have gotten away from the man but she had no clue how hard it was to do that. She even though I might be gay cause I did not put a stop to it. All the stuff that she said hurt so bad. It was bad enough to be dealing with being abused and then she showed no support at all. That made me want to end my life and end the pain.) The Lord continued to help me as I told my 3 grown children, my parents and 2 sisters. My family embraced me with love (except my wife) and it gave me hope to overcome being a victim of sexual abuse. After telling them about the abuse I felt as though a heavy burden was lifted off me and I was finally on the road to healing. I still had a long way to go. I got into counseling and I am still in counseling as I deal with what was done to me. It makes me sick thinking of the things the man did to me and the things he made me do to him. I have since met a wonderful woman that does care about what happened to me and I can talk to her about it and she does not make me feel like it was my fault.
That is a quick run down of my life. Very abbreviated. I still struggle with low self esteem, depression and anxiety but I have to just take one day at a time. My abuser is dead so I will never be able to confront him although I did write a letter to him telling him all my feelings I have for him. My counselor had me do that and it felt very good to do even though I could not give it to him as he was dead.
I hope all of this makes sense and I am thankful I found this site. Thank you to all of you that has taken time to read this.
John