I found this forum trying to find resources for myself and my H. I have no one else to share this with. I found out about the CSA about three months ago in therapy. He cheated on me and in my constant grilling of why he cheated,he blurted it out. He said he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He also said he is happy that he got "caught", which I cannot understand. He cannot really identify why he cheated. He says it had nothing to do with me and says it had nothing to do with sex either. He said the opportunity presented itself, so he took it.

At the same time, I still cannot understand why he cheated on me. I understand he has trust issues and he has explained how he has never really felt true love and intimacy in relationships. I now understand that the drinking, anger, anxiety and rejection were coping mechanisms. He says he always felt our relationship was doomed to fail.
My logic is, if you have been abused and have serious trust issues, wouldn't he cherish our relationship? If I have been the closest person he has ever allowed to be part of his life, why would he purposely sabotage that? I am looking for insight from other spouses or victims themselves. Is this a symptom? Is this common? I don't know how to handle trying to support him in his journey and letting go of my anger.



Edited by overwhelmed1975 (12/19/13 06:30 PM)